When parents let loose, they usually do it on Twitter. Parents’ tweets are as diverse as the changing mood of a toddler. They vary from the calamities of bath time to just trying to understand the intentions behind a child’s actions. The funniest ones are the adults admitting to missing the mark, such as forgetting to go to the supermarket and even lying to get the kids to stop doing something. This week’s tweets are chosen by [Ask Your Dad][1] blogger, John Kinnear. Kinnear writes on the perils of fatherhood. He is based in Utah and has been ‘pretending to know the answer since 2010.’ Take a look at Kinnear’s favorite Twitter shares this week. It is always comical to read how raising kids brings out the comedian in everyone. Just be glad your belling button was not licked like one lucky parent was this week. [1]: http://www.askyourdadblog.com/p/about-dad.html
*5yo son walks up* *lifts my shirt* *sticks his finger in my belly button* *smells his finger* *licks his finger* *nods* *walks off* — Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) January 21, 2015
80% of parenting is yelling through a closed bathroom door. — Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) January 20, 2015
I’m glad I pay $200 a month for cable so my kids can leave the tv on as background noise while on their iPads. — Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 17, 2015
“Doesn’t this sound like a cartoon cop car? ::plays kazoo for 15 solid min::” Yes it does, child who clearly time traveled here from the 20s — Jess Sanfilippo (@shuggilippo) January 16, 2015
Nothing says “we forgot to go to the market” like plain quesadillas for breakfast. — The Daddy Complex (@thedaddycomplex) December 31, 2014
I know exactly how President Obama feels. Every time my kids are forced to listen to me, they make angry Republican faces. — BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) January 21, 2015
So far as an adult, I haven’t really needed to know as much about tall tales as elementary school taught me that I would. — Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) January 15, 2015
No son, you did not take a shower last night because I would have remembered the fight we’re having RIGHT NOW. — Kristen Chase (@thatkristen) January 20, 2015
Adulthood involves way less pooping in private than I expected. — The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) January 18, 2015
My youngest son has chosen a favorite food – whatever is on my plate! #parenting — Aaron Gouveia (@DaddyFiles) January 17, 2015
Tonight we’re putting the kids to bed over an hour early. Because it’s been a long day and they don’t know how to tell time. — Dave Lesser (@AmateurIdiot) January 18, 2015
Being a father means that every time you say “that’s what she said,” a little voice asks “did she really?” — Zach Rosenberg (@zjrosenberg) January 21, 2015
“We don’t pee in the shower.” – me to my toddler Parenting is filled with lies. — Creed (@novicefather) January 20, 2015
“You bake the best, mommy!” – 4 when I gave him a hot pocket for dinner — Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) January 20, 2015
4-year-old: Can I have water in a cup with no lid? Me: Because you want to drink like a big girl? 4: I need to throw it at someone. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 20, 2015
JJ: Why did the pig cross the road? Me: Why? JJ: TO EAT THE PEOPLE!! (falls down laughing at himself) Preschooler jokes are scary. — Brent Almond (@DesignerDaddy) January 16, 2015
3yo: “I don’t want a goodnight hug or kiss from Daddy.” Wife: “Be nice.” 3yo: “Can I please not have a goodnight hug or kiss from Daddy?” — ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) January 20, 2015
Breastfeeding has really allowed me to follow through on my New Year’s resolution to watch even more TV than usual. — Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) January 22, 2015
Hearing my son say “I’m tired” is like hitting the lottery. — Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 20, 2015
I just said it’s bedtime but by the crying and screaming that is happening I’m afraid my kids thought I said it’s the end of ALL time. — Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) January 21, 2015