Christmas is a wonderful time of year. It can also be quite stressful for many. Long flights home, sharing dinner with family you many not see often, navigating thru jam-packed malls or better yet finding a coveted parking space anywhere within a mile of where you need to be. By the time you get all your goodies home, shoppers are then faced with the daunting task of wrapping everything. As fun and magical this season is, it is also exhausting and tedious. For the most part, we are inundated with traditional holiday greetings and messages that don’t always reflect the chaos we self-inflict. After awhile we start to seek out quirky and fun, Christmas messages. Thanks to Twitter and our appreciation for comedians, we now have an opportunity to read humorous insights of the non-traditional variety. The list below has a sprinkling of comics’ thoughts on the holiday season. It’s safe to say none of these messages will appear on any greeting cards but they are memorable.
Merry Xmas Eve to all! Best wishes and God Bless! Uh oh. Hit the whiskey twice. Here comes the drunk tweets. — chris pratt (@prattprattpratt) December 25, 2014
Nothing like opening Christmas gifts to remind you that the people you’re closest to in the world know absolutely nothing about you. — Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) December 22, 2014
Reaching into my pocket and pulling out my middle finger is still my go-to holiday gift. — nathan fielder (@nathanfielder) December 19, 2014
Jesus died for your Christian Mingle. — Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) December 23, 2012
Got all my Christmas shopping done. Now to shop for other people. — Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) December 24, 2014
I care more about the NORAD Santa Tracker than I care about any of you. — Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) December 25, 2014
I’m arranging all your Christmas Cards by number of years your marriage has left based on how forced the smiles are in your family photo. — Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) December 22, 2014
Since when is a pack of cigarettes a bad Christmas gift for a baby? — Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) December 22, 2014
Christmas break is like going to visit your Facebook feed in person. — Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) December 23, 2014
Your electronic Christmas card is as Earth-friendly as it is lazy. — Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 21, 2014
One year, my dad broke my toy the night before and on Christmas morning said, “I guess it came broken.” #ChristmasFail — jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) December 17, 2014
Excited to be back home for my family’s annual Christmas fight. — Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) December 23, 2014
My fave Christmas song is probably Carol of the Bells because they say “dong” a bunch of times — Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 23, 2014
Deck the halls with stuff from Pinterest. — braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) December 5, 2014
The Christmas wreath on the front of your SUV told me you have a son named Tanner. — Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 22, 2014
hmm y’all willin to let a fat man break into your house to drink your milk on christmas but i do it in september and i’m “a nuisance” damn — demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) December 2, 2014
Tell your kids that if it rains Santa melts. — Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) December 23, 2014
I’m thinking I should have bought my @goldenglobes suit AFTER Christmas. We’re gonna need a stronger belt. — Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) December 23, 2014
The 12 Days of Christmas reads like the amazon wish list of someone tripping balls — Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) December 13, 2014
Just saved the wrapping paper from my secret Santa present, so going to Chicos is probably what’s in store next for me. — albertina rizzo (@albz) December 18, 2014
The wreath is the frisbee of Christmas decorations. — Demetri Martin (@DemetriMartin) December 24, 2014
ya know ive been thinking about christmas, and i think im gonna steal it. — Michael Che (@CheThinks) December 23, 2014