Kids say the darndest things and their fathers say some hilarious things too. Here’s what some dads tweeted about.
**#1. Shoes** > Me: JUST PUT YOUR SHOES ON > > 4yo: I DONT WANT TO! > > Me: JUST PUT THEM ON, THERES ALREADY ENOUGH CONFLICT IN THE WORLD! > > 4yo: NO THERE ISNT! > — JC (@JCautomatic) [> March 10, 2014](https://twitter.com/JCautomatic/statuses/442933440946925568) **#2. Excuses** > Only taken Suarez three days to come up with an excuse slightly less plausible than when my 5yo told me teddy had drawn all over the wall. > — tom jamieson (@jamiesont) [> June 28, 2014](https://twitter.com/jamiesont/statuses/482907747135283200) **#3. Knock-knock jokes** > Me: Knock knock. > My 5yo: Who’s there? > Me: Freep. > 5yo: Freep what? > Me: What? > 5yo: What? > Me: Do you know how Knock Knock jokes work? > 5yo: No. > — Dan Wells (@TheDanWells) [> March 9, 2014](https://twitter.com/TheDanWells/statuses/442785428006244352) **#4. Airplanes** > 4yo wanted to play “Planes” so I gave him his breakfast in little plastic dish with his chair pushed against the wall so he had no legroom. > — JC (@JCautomatic) [> March 16, 2014](https://twitter.com/JCautomatic/statuses/445102381840498688) **#5. Solutions** > Following a boring lecture from dad about the price of land my 5yo hit on the brainwave of multi-storey stables [> pic.twitter.com/A6nxanKM04](http://t.co/A6nxanKM04) > — Philip Boucher-Hayes (@boucherhayes) [> March 4, 2014](https://twitter.com/boucherhayes/statuses/440904086448529408) **#6. Conversations** > My 4yo hasn’t stopped talking for 1,381 hours. > — Drew (@DrewExists) [> June 28, 2014](https://twitter.com/DrewExists/statuses/482993044623753216) **#7. Caught in a lie** > ME: Did you brush your teeth? > > 4yo: Yes! > > ME: Promise? > > 4yo: Yes. But I’ll do it again. > > *caught in a lie > — Jeff Wild (@jiffywild) [> June 19, 2014](https://twitter.com/jiffywild/statuses/479449814254370816) **#8. Perfection** > At breakfast my 5yo told me she was perfect. My reply: A perfect person would know that they weren’t perfect. > > Chew on that one all day punk > — Matt Connors (@MatthewJConnors) [> March 4, 2014](https://twitter.com/MatthewJConnors/statuses/440824312249868288) **#9. Shoes** > Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet. > 5yo:.. > Me:.. > 5yo:.. > Me:.. > 5yo: I don’t have any other feet.. > Me: Fair enough. > — Kristján. (@Beau_Ruga) [> June 29, 2014](https://twitter.com/Beau_Ruga/statuses/483053959926779904) **#10. Dessert** > Me: Have a cookie! > 5yo: Before lunch? > Me: Life’s short. Dessert first! > 5yo: I’ll save it for afters. > Me: Whose child is this? o.O > — Aaron Sikes (@SikesAaron) [> June 23, 2014](https://twitter.com/SikesAaron/statuses/481172669916647425) **#11. Dragons** > 5yo: Dad, when can I get a pet Dragon? > Me: You know Dragons aren’t real, right? > 5yo: What’s that got to do with anything!? > — tchrquotes (@tchrquotes) [> June 23, 2014](https://twitter.com/tchrquotes/statuses/480902236600401920) **#12. Pardon** > 3yo: “Daddy” > Me: “what” > 3yo: “you mean pardon” > Me: “pardon” > 3yo: “you mean pardon” > Me: “I said pardon” > 3yo: “what?” > Glad we cleared that up. > — Mark, Sonny, & Luca (@sonnyandluca) [> June 14, 2014](https://twitter.com/sonnyandluca/statuses/477723757952647170) **#13. Hurt feelings** > I think I’d rather get burned alive than have to watch my 5yo cry because I hurt her feelings again. > — Rocco™ (@JestersDead74) [> March 5, 2014](https://twitter.com/JestersDead74/statuses/441044623960440832) **#14. Transformation** > *4yo standing in front of TV > Me: You know, you make a better door than a window. > Transformation into my father = complete > — Hunter Steele (@FatherWithTwins) [> June 28, 2014](https://twitter.com/FatherWithTwins/statuses/482958141836259328) **#15. Scuba flippers** > Daycare lady: I assume your wife is out of town > > Me: Why? > > Her: You dressed your kids in scuba flippers. > > I couldn’t find the shoe bin. > — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) [> February 11, 2014](https://twitter.com/XplodingUnicorn/statuses/433276784612622341) **#16. Closet monsters** > To my 6yo, > > I’d like to tell you everything is okay but we are dealing with a closet that has a god damn monster in it. Sweet dreams. > > Dad > — Minivan (@my_minivan_life) [> February 13, 2014](https://twitter.com/my_minivan_life/statuses/433794272966770689) **#17. Childhood** > Being a [> #3yo](https://twitter.com/hashtag/3yo?src=hash)> is wanting a hard boiled egg, and at the same time, not wanting it boiled. Hating it being boiled! And then you cry. [> #childhood](https://twitter.com/hashtag/childhood?src=hash) > — Michael Schmidt (@IowaSchmidt) [> June 24, 2014](https://twitter.com/IowaSchmidt/statuses/481562920665374721) **#18. Getting ready** > Was gonna take my son out in the snow but by the time I got him dressed for it he was 45 years old and winter was long obsolete. > — Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) [> February 13, 2014](https://twitter.com/DadandBuried/statuses/434039217153658880) **#19. Eyebrows** > Current status: Getting my eyebrows “waxed” with scotch tape because my 4yo won’t take no for an answer. > — Just Brett (@DreamHostBrett) [> June 29, 2014](https://twitter.com/DreamHostBrett/statuses/483067208726093824)