Twitter is a great resource for us all. It provides us with real-time news coverage, up-to-the-minute weather reports, and it’s the best way to learn about national emergencies as they come. It’s also a useful resource for shopping your favorite brands, discovering new music from the artists that you love, and innocently stalking your favorite celebrity. Still, there is one thing you an find on Twitter that is unlike anything else: A person pretending to be a dog, pretending to be a doctor. Yes, that’s right. He’s Dr. Dog, MD. Dr. Dog is a respected physician in both the canine and weird Twitter worlds. Dr. Dog tweets about his madcap adventures, giving us all some insight into the balancing act that is being medical professional while also being a regular, down-to-earth, dog. After reading these tweets, I find myself with a lot of unanswered questions: Who is Dr. Dog’s nurse? Would Dr. Dog really break one of my bones just so he could eat it? Most importantly, is Dr. Dog a part of my healthcare network? Enjoy these tweets from the good doctor, just don’t get him confused with Dr. Duck. That guy’s a total quack.
DR DOG: I didn’t go to medical school for 49 years to be called Mr. Dog! — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 3, 2015
NURSE: How should we treat the patient? DR DOG: *mouth watering* Did you just say treat? — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 29, 2015
DR DOG: I’m afraid you have Bad Dog Syndrome. *hits patient on the nose with a rolled up newspaper* — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 30, 2015
NURSE: The patient is prepped for surgery. DR DOG: *Scrubbing up* I’ll be right in *shakes off* — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 4, 2015
DR DOG: *holding x-ray* Well, we found where you hid the scarves. MAGICIAN DOG: Tell no one my secrets. — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 3, 2015
DR DOG: What color is this medical chart? PATIENT: Yellow DR DOG: I knew it! — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 30, 2015
DR DOG: Sit in that chair for me. PATIENT: Ok *sits* DR DOG: *hands him a treat* Good boy — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 2, 2015
What made you want to be the 1st dog to go to medical school? DR. DOG: *imagines burying a bunch of x-rays in his back yard* To help people — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 28, 2015
PATIENT: What sort of payment plans do you accept here? DR DOG: We accept cash, credit, and belly rubs. — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 2, 2015
PATIENT: *vomits* Oh no I’m so sorry! DR DOG: No trouble at all *presses intercom* Betty please cancel my lunch plans — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 29, 2015
Patient: Will I ever be able to walk again? DR DOG: *tail goes nuts* DID YOU SAY WALK?!? — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 3, 2015
Patient: Doc, my stomach is killing me. DR DOG: *scratches chin* Have you tried eating grass? — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 1, 2015
*sees guy laying dead on an operating table* Doctor Dog: Hey I know that trick! — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 29, 2015
NURSE: Here’s that chart you wanted *tosses it* DOCTOR DOG: *catches it in his mouth like a frisbee* Thank you — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 28, 2015
*steps into examination room* DR DOG: Sorry about the wait. I had to chase that damn ambulance out of the parking lot again — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 1, 2015
DR DOG: *tail wagging* I’m happy to tell you this tumor is the size of a tennis ball. — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 4, 2015
DR DOG: Open up your mouth and say ‘Ahh.’ Patient: AHHH DR DOG: Good boy *throws a ball in his mouth* — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) February 4, 2015
NURSE: We have to pull the plug. DR DOG: *looks down at paws* You do it. — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 30, 2015
DR DOG: Whose leg do I have to hump around here to get a scalpel? — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 31, 2015
DR DOG: The prognosis isn’t good. I only give you 1 year PATIENT: Well, I can do a lot in a year DR DOG: I meant dog years — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 30, 2015
Doctor Dog: The tests show that you have a- *sees tail out of the corner of his eye* HEY PAL THIS IS A PRIVATE APPOINTMENT *chases tail* — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 28, 2015
DR DOG: *looking over xray* Oh yes these will do nicely — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 31, 2015
Doctor Dog: I’m sorry ma’am. I have some bad news. Your husband… *looks off into distance* SQUIRREL! — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 28, 2015
DOG DOCTOR: I’m gonna need another stool sample. *licks lips* I lost the last one. — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 28, 2015
Doctor Dog: “Nurse, go fetch me the patient’s chart” *Nurse Dog’s tail goes nuts* — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 28, 2015
DR DOG: Please remove your shoes & step on the scale PATIENT: Ok DR DOG: I’ll be right back *carries the shoes out of the room in his mouth* — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 29, 2015
Cat: I think i have a rash. Doctor Dog: WE SHOULD AMPUTATE YOUR HEAD — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 28, 2015
Dr. Dog: We’re gonna have remove that bone. Patient: Which one? Dr. Dog: Which ever looks the tastiest- I mean the broken one of course! — Doctor Dog (@DrDogMD) January 28, 2015